
Why am I subjecting myself...I wonder, to the endless streams of merciless demands by impersonal personnels that are running the system? Because they pay you?!! Is that it?? I have to battle daily internal conflict as to why I have to do all thses things that I do not quite belief in...I am just hoping that I would be able to keep my sanity..It's not like anything that I ever want to do but I was told that I have to do it to sustain myself...for the family...we need it..I wonder if the family needs to see me like this all the time...
There are times when I tried to find stregnth within myself to carry on and that things are not so bad But I realised that I am just lying to myself and after a while, when things are not working out again, the thought of leaving the system is there again...talking to others, I realised momentarily helped but it won't last...
I am just simply miserable especially knowing that I cannot spend the time the time with my precious either because I am too bust with work..even when I am at home or I am busy thinking about what are the alternative to leaving this...
God help me...